halloween bash part 1
pepper invited phoebe and jinx to her party, but the girls said they weren’t interested in hanging out with a whole group of adults who wouldn’t let them drink. instead, they’re trick or treating by themselves. we tried to talk them out of it, but we knew that even if we got them to say they wouldn’t, they’d do it anyhow. so we didn’t force the issue. they promised to go with their friend leo, who, at least, is male and seventeen; the three of them together should be okay. we did make them take their cell phones so they could call us if they needed to.
pepper’s party was certainly the place to be last night! many of our school mates were there, plus the poetry squad, who pepper used to run around with, and then a lot of other people, some of whom we knew, and some of whom we didn’t. nigel, of course, was in attendance, though he came alone. nina and i invited him to come with us, but he was being secretive and weird, so we just said we’d see him there. he came dressed as a victorian spiritualist medium, and had figured out how to make ectoplasm appear and disappear from his coat sleeves. he is a man of hidden talents. sadly, he also blatted on a trumpet every now and again, claiming that it was the spirits. for nigel, he was quite festive.
nina and i, after long discussions about our costumes, included a “part-two” to the costume, since we knew we wouldn’t want to be hitched together all night long. we were already wearing white face makeup, and then once everyone had gotten in and the party was really in full swing, we added some gray makeup under our eyes and as lipstick, and separated, showing the long, ragged stitching up our formerly joined sides. so then we were siamese twin ghosts from a failed operation. the costume was pretty simple, but we got a lot of rave reviews for the party-in-progress transformation! we are geniuses, it’s true.
sadly, that tramp bibi was also there. for some reason, she and her odious boyfriend skunkcap came with tiberius mitten, who was dressed as a semicolon. bibi showed her complete lack of original thought by dressing as a sexy vampire (and she spent a lot of time pretending to hypnotize people so she could bite their necks. disgusting. needless to say, she didn’t try it on me or nina.) skunkcap was dressed as her human servant, which means he wore a tuxedo and did everything she told him too. he also tried to seduce everyone, claiming that’s what his master wanted. honestly, i have no idea why pepper let them come! she’s a nicer person then me, so i guess that’s why. at any rate, i was delighted to have the opportunity to grind my heel into skunkcap’s instep, which can be a believable accident if you don’t know our history. nina waited until he was pretty drunk, then dribbled cranberry juice down his back. we hope his tux is rented.
so for hours and hours, it was a normal party. people drank and did those things that happen at parties. bibi and her foul boyfriend disappeared into many a closet, reappearing rumpled and gross. other people vanished into mounds of coats, tiberius mitten attempted to hit on both me and nina, being too drunk to understand we were different people, and dubravko almost poured an entire bottle of white rum down nina’s cleavage. a good time was being had by all.
then, around midnight, the party was crashed by five individuals, all wearing costumes that covered their faces. they wouldn’t say who they were, and poppet was concerned enough that she located pepper, who asked them to leave or she’d call the cops. since everyone loves pepper, we all had her back. many of the men lined up behind pepper to give her the authority of their superior male strength (remember, it’s mostly poets and visual artists, here. luckily, we had several male and female sculptors who work with metal and stone, so they alone were believably strong).
the masked people weren’t really doing anything, just refusing to talk and getting really close to people, looming over them menacingly. pepper didn’t lose a beat; she called the cops and began to report the intruders, at which point they vanished. very stupid and weird, but it didn’t take much to get the party going full swing again. people volunteered for (drunk) door guard duty, and that was that, for the time being.
more from nina coming up!
~kiki~
*********
ok, here’s what i have to tell you:
first i must name some more memorable appearances & costumes at the party:
- smallweed showed up! he dressed as a ventriloquist, with his tiny cat chenpin dressed as a dummy in a tiny cat-sized tuxedo. pepper is so soft-hearted! she invited nearly everyone she’s ever interviewed to her party, it seemed.
- a puzzling and annoying appearance was that of some drunken man dressed like a dusty old cowboy, complete with an earthenware jug that said “XXX”. he reeked of weed and worse. he was also soiled with his
own vomit. a burly man named clyde had to throw him out, where he cried in a heap of leaves for hours, begging his “laura” to return to him. - “mr. tangelo”, who it turns out suffers from pica (i am not going to disgust you with how the partygoers all came to this conclusion) , arrived in naught but an adult diaper and announced that he was baby suri. he then performed a very long, monotonous ode to her famous parents. i really don’t know where pepper finds some of these characters
- Mother Geepa Flower Peace Love, that hippie prognosticator, told fortunes that mainly dealt with everyone’s pressing need to have their colon irrigated. yech!
Since kiki’s post, the identity of the 5 masked intruders has been discovered! sol gave us the exclusive details!
remember mr. tangelo? he was inadvertently instrumental in discovering who these creeps were. when nobody praised his latest ode “the diligence of your arm is to disguise its bread flavoured breath like mistrustful proclamations”, he stormed outside in a pique. moments later, the party was interrupted by loud squeals of pain coming from the front porch!
it turns out that the masked 5 intruders never really left the party, they just continued to lurk around outside, looking in windows, leaping into bushes when anyone would enter or leave the house, etc. (brief aside: they all were wearing ronald reagan masks and dingy sheets. this alone was perhaps the most unsettling visage of the evening- 5 ronald reagans creeping about in bed linens, but i digress.) anyway, when mr. tangelo went outside, he continued to recite poetry. . . .and the tallest of the 5 threw a shoe at him and mr. tangelo went down like a stone. this is when we overheard the squealing and sol sprang into action. he ran outside and discovered the shoe thrower kicking mr. tangelo in a very sensitive location! sol, a martial arts practitioner, leapt to tangelo’s defense, and in a matter of minutes, had unmasked and disabled all 5 idiots. they were:
-
rich sauces (who moaned lasciviously when sol dealt him a nut-crusher!)
-
mitch sausage (who kept crying, “I just wanted to party!)
-
brad (who fought like a tiger to protect RS, but was defeated regardless)
-
hugo washington (revealed to be the shoe throwing jerk!)
-
crooby (poor, foolish crooby, who kept wheezing that he had only come in order to secure the latest issue of the free paper that pepper writes for)
crooby and mitch sausage spilled their guts immediately. according to them, RS was the ringleader (even providing all the other dupes with masks and sheets—which says something about their brain power, if they were willing to drape themselves in his bedding) anyway, mitch just came along because he’s new to the area and wanted to make new
friends, brad came because he is spookily attached to RS, hugo came to spy/stalk bibi ozell, and crooby came for similar reasons regarding pepper. RS crawled away into the night after he got his ass whipped, brad dragging his sorry ass behind him, while crooby and mitch were giving sol the lowdown. hugo just lay on the sidewalk screaming “BIBI!
BIBI!” until sol threatened him with a larynx removal, and then he slunk off. sol gave MS and crooby a stern lecture on how nobody likes gate crashers or stalkers, then made a few menacing movements with his hands that made them run off into the night. then sol eased mr. tangelo back into the house and propped him up in an easy chair for the night, where he occasionally murmured things like, “I find your eye sockets to be wondrous amusement parks filled with neo-plastic pleasures and oncogenic delights.”
when we got home, a light was on in the studio so we called jinx & phoebe to let them know we were home. they came over and shared their candy haul with us, which kiki and i gobbled up in a drunken stupor. i seem to remember them saying that they had done some odd jobs this week and had earned 30 dollars. they were very secretive on further
details, only that it was very legal and not worth discussing further. i wonder what they are up to. . . .
last but not least, nigel asked us to meet him tomorrow to discuss a certain plan he’d like to set in motion. he indicated we may need the help of phoebe & jinx, after assuring us that there was no risk in their involvement. kiki and i have turned into quite the mother hens where they are concerned!
~nina~
Mitch Sausage Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:12 am
I’m sorry about the whole thing. Rich said that you guys were all “special friends” and that you’d be pleasantly surprised.
Rich Sauces Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:19 am
well, *i* was pleasantly surprised. weren’t you?
mmm. nutcracker.
P. Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:20 am
I was a little disappointed that no one commented on my costume. I was dressed as Giacinto Scelsi, which required quite a bit of research on my part since he never allowed himself to be photographed. I had fully intended to say hello, but I kept getting interrupted or side-tracked.
Greta Yunkers Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:24 am
http://www.classical.net/music/comp.lst/acc/scelsi.html
i didn’t see anyone at the party who looked like this.
Rich Sauces Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:25 am
that’s because you had your face otherwise occupied. greta.
crooby Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:25 am
Pepper, are you going to write a review of the party? If so, will you post it to the blog so I can read your take on the eventful party?
Mitch Sausage Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:28 am
No, I wasn’t pleasantly surprised. I was hurt and embarrassed and now I’ve made these nice people hate me. (And I wasn’t crying, by the way).
Hugo Washington Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:28 am
I don’t know what you lot are talking about. I left with a very satisfied Bibi on my arm. No other man came near her at all. I certainly did not arrive in soiled robes and a rubber mask. I came dressed as Man Ray. Bibi arrived as Isadora Duncan. That is all.
poconut Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:29 am
mr. sss,
i don’t really get what happened at that party, because i wasn’t there, but i found a copy of your book “costume parties for non-wiccans: discovering transgression in a non-matriarchal society”.
it didn’t help me understand the party. i didn’t understand your book. the book was really dirty and had a footprint on it.
thank you,
poconut
P. Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:31 am
That picture is the young Scelsi. I went as an older Scelsi. And Nigel, of all people, kept bothering me. He kept asking me to play the piano and then running away once I started. He mentioned that he had purchased a “surprise” addition to his costume from Rich Sauces of all people, but he wouldn’t say what it was.
Mr. Buttersby Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:34 am
I’m sure it’s not the first or last grotesque item Nigel has purchased for dark purposes. He often uses illicit items in his sinister plans.
Stay away from him!
bibi Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:34 am
hugo, go to hell. you came dressed as a pile of sh*t, which apparently made you the third triplet to nina and kiki.
SSS Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:34 am
Poconut,
The item you appear to have is not my book. It is what they call in the art world an “altered book”, existing books whose pages have been altered by paint, collage, or other media. The young artist skunkcap has been transforming a number of my books.
Rich Sauces Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:36 am
like santa, i have a surprise addition for each and every one of you. lumps of coal are just the beginning.
P. Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:39 am
RS,
I thought that the local authorities had banned you from dressing as Santa after what happened last year.
Rich Sauces Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:41 am
i still stuff the stockings.
Brad Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:42 am
I would have thought all of you art students would recognize our performance art for what it was. Nina, I’d like to take you out for coffee sometime.
Brad Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:43 am
You certainly do, Rich.
FeE Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:43 am
bibi, if you hate kiki & nina so bad, why is your flabby ass hanging out at this page all the time? i think it’s cause you are so desperate to be talked about! pathetic!
poconut Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:44 am
mr. sss:
that book that i got says “Selwyn Samwell-Smith” on it. that means you! i bought it at the bookstore that’s in the same buidling as “the whole wide world in our own loving hands cafe” i had sesame rolls and fgroundnut soup, and i asked for some milk and they didn’t have any milk. they gave me some white milk and said it was from beans. do you know how they do that? do you drink bean milK?
thankyou,
poconut
Pepper Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:44 am
And how come no one but P. stayed to help clean up? Huh?
That’s ok. I dont mind. Thanks to all of the invited guests for coming and having a great time!
SSS Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:50 am
I think Mr. Sauces should not be allowed to comment on the whole bean milk topic.
P. Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 8:59 am
I think it’s for the best that we did not meet, Kiki. You inspire my work to such a degree that I think that if we were to meet in person it might have disasterous consequences. I could, however, meet Nina. I;m not inspired by her in the least.
And what was all of that intriguing music at the party, Pepper?
Pepper Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:17 am
Thanks so much for asking, P.
I’d like to thank DJ Drakon and DJ Butta for all of the music at the party. Here is a partial list of what they played:
The 524
Yuka Honda
Vinegar Kiss
Bow Wow Wow
The Peter Thomas Sound Orchestra
Brownie’s Third Lung
Sun Ra Arkestra
MC Frontalot
Sagol59
Pizzicato 5
Eelboy soundtrack
B-52s
Arkadi Duchin
Monica Seks
Fantomas
Glen Branca
The Aggro
Dokaka
Natacha Atlas
Smoky & Miho
And my favorite …. Shooby Taylor!
feE Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:25 am
like nina WANTS to meet yoU!
Big Fatty Egg Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:29 am
Ha ha ha!
I can see now why Egg Shen introduced me to this very hilarious page.
Ha ha ha!
Brad Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:29 am
feE, maybe you could come along as well.
ghoulia Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:30 am
I think it’s detestable that RS has not been locked up yet. I pity the poor foolish dupes swept up in his poisonous red tide.
the magnificent j Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:33 am
gross! you wish, brad. there are laws against pervs like you.
Rich Sauces Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:33 am
I spread DJ Butta all over Brad’s back last night.
FeE Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:35 am
brad, the only place i’ll see you is when you audition for the new FOX reality show, “Biggest Idiot in the WORLD!”
IN YER FACE!
P. Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:35 am
I can’t prove it yet, Fatty, but I’m convinced that you’re somehow responsible for the disappearances of Ms. Yi and Mr. Long.
Brad Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:36 am
Yes, in my face indeed.
FeE Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:37 am
yeah, rich sauces bad breath is in your face!
Brad Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:38 am
That too. FeE, I think Rich might have a ballerina outfit your size.
Big Fatty Egg Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:38 am
Ha ha ha!
Egg Shen and I were right about you, P!
We decided you weren’t smart enough to remove the fortune before you eat the cookie.
Ha ha ha!
Mitch Sausage Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:40 am
That happened to me once.
WISMILE BLOBBAGE Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:41 am
BRAD THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH YOU YOUNG HOOLIGAN. I CAN’T BELIEVE THE UNHOLY DIN THAT ERUPTS FROM YOUR ROOM AT NIGHT. YOU AND THAT VERY UNNATURAL RICH SAUCES ARE KEEPING MY WHOLE FAMILY AWAKE AT NIGHT. I DID NOT SMUGGLE MYSELF INTO THIS COUNTRY INSIDE A BARREL OF LOBSTER PARTS JUST TO BE EXPOSED TO YOUR SMUTTY, BARBARIC WAYS. I AM TELLING THE LANDLORD ABOUT YOU.
the magnificent j Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:43 am
LOBSTER PARTS!! hahahahaha!!!!
P. Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:47 am
The small town of Lobster Parts, Maine has been plagued with sightings of strange lights in the sky.
Brad Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 10:48 am
P., I believe that was the Rosewell incident.
Big Fatty Egg Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 11:09 am
Ha ha ha!
Lobster Parts!
Ha Ha Ha!
FeE Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 11:16 am
brad, i wouldn’t want to make your mom not have any clothes by taking her ballerina outfit that you make her wear!
Brad Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 11:25 am
Hey! Don’t dis on my Mom! She’s a nurse!
feE Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 11:49 am
youre gonna need a nurse after leo kicks your ass!
P. Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 11:55 am
Nina,
I just realized that my earlier comments may be taken the wrong way. I truly hope you were not offended.
P. Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 12:00 pm
Nina,
I hope my earlier comments were not misconstrued. I meant no offense.
P. Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 12:38 pm
TEST
P. Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 12:42 pm
And Pepper, I believe I also heard the hideous death scene from Alfred Schnittke’s Faust cantata.
G Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 12:44 pm
Sensationell! Soeben erschienen!
Boba Fan Said:
on November 2, 2006 at 2:39 pm
WHAT IS BOBA YOU ASK?
The tapioca pearls are made from the cassava root. The balls are prepared by boiling for 25 minutes, until they are cooked thoroughly but have not lost pliancy, then cooled for 25 minutes. After cooking they last about 7 hours. The pearls have little taste, and are usually soaked in sugar or honey solutions.
Brad Said:
on November 3, 2006 at 5:30 am
Hey, speaking of siamese twins, I heard a really good joke:
Why did the siamese twins go to England?
For the food!
Mitch Sausage Said:
on November 3, 2006 at 5:31 am
I thought it was so the other one could drive.
And it’s not nice to make fun of siamese twins.
P. Said:
on November 3, 2006 at 5:58 am
I used to talk about the new eating. One time Terry Riley said, “Yeah, even the cooks’ll get rebellious. We’ll walk into a hamburger stand and order something to eat. In a few minutes, the cook’ll give us some salt. Just salt. Then one of us will say, ‘What? Is this all?’ And the cook’ll answer, ‘whatsamatter, don’t cha like static eating?’”
–Lamonte Young
Junie Said:
on November 3, 2006 at 10:36 am
Hey, I was there too, but no one noticed me apparantly. I was dressed as Old Lemon Tree, but no one knew who I was except for P. To be honest, no one talked to me at all except for P. Both Nigel and the fat guy tried to put their cigarette ash on my costume! But I think they were drunk at that point. When the 5 creeps arrived, I wanted to use a little kapap on them, but my brother had the matter well in hand.
feellikeso Said:
on November 4, 2006 at 8:07 am
junie,
i didn’t know that was you! i saw the costume, and i recognized the character from “eelboy,” but i never even was able to make it across the room to tell you that the costume was great!
why did you stand in the corner most of the night?
and also, i’m going to have stern words with nigel. he’ll be mortified to discover he tried to ash you.
xoxo, kiki!